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Our Forum sample topic: I shared nothing of my own. The question about how did I learn how to treat a woman … was an intrusive question, bordering on jealousy, trying to figure out if I was a player or not. (I was totally playing her but not unfairly no lies, no lying about my feelings, and no commitment. ) See how I made it about her. This thrust and parry was a verbal fencing match and, to be fair, she was no match for me. I knew what she wanted to hear and declined to give it to her directly and she was afraid to ask for it directly. Instead of the dynamic being me, the guy, assuring her of my feelings and intentions trying to sell myself (the usual), it became her, the flash asses wild beaches, seeking acceptance and connection, evidence that she could transmute into a conclusion that I cared for her. The transmutation was her doing. I noticed that whenever she would try to probe into my feelings, she would never ask directly. Too proud, too insecure. She would say things tongue in cheek like So when are you going to ask me out again. I would purposely let a second pass before answering So what makes you think Im going to. There was a split second of anxiety before I let her off the hook, saying, with a smile in my voice Id better get permission from my wife. Then another split second of anxiety, before I began to laugh. She quickly, too quickly, joined in and laughed, but the relief in her laughter was palpable. I went on, You know I was just kidding, right.